20 February 2015

I'm Back

 ....in Minneapolis. 

It was just over two years ago while living in Minneapolis that I wrote this post about how we were going to have to leave. We'd come up here so my husband could go to law school but after a year and a half of school, his business back in Florida was struggling with him being so far away. So he got a leave of absence from school and we moved back down to Florida, hoping that we would eventually find some way to get back up to Minnesota so Rob could complete his degree. 

Like I said, that was a couple years ago though, and we quickly got very comfortable back in our normal life. Work got really good again, life was really good, and school started feeling like this unrealistic dream that we talked less and less about. We were making plans to buy a house in Ponte Vedra (a pretty little beach town near where we lived in Jacksonville). Florida was once again feeling like our permanent home. 

Only something about all that just wasn't completely settling with us. There was always this tiny, nagging little thought that we didn't actually want to give up on this goal that we'd started years ago when we'd packed up our life and headed over a thousand miles away to start law school. For one thing it would feel like all of that had been a waste. And more importantly we didn't want to shut the door on any possible opportunities that that degree could open up. 

So, here we are. 
We talked, we planned, we prayed...then last month we once again packed up our life and headed back up to Minnesota so that Rob can complete the degree he started out to get. 

It feels kind of crazy to be back here. We're quickly remembering all the things that were kind of a drag about life as a full-time student. But we're really excited that we will be able to complete this goal that we set. 

It also feels kind of crazy to be back here, sitting in front of my blog. My break was longer than I'd planned but with the move and everything it just took longer than I'd anticipated to get back here. I know I said when I left that it wasn't goodbye, that I just needed a short break. And at the time that's what I thought. But being away gave me time to really step back and think, and realize that all the reasons why I'd wanted time away in the first place are all still there, so as hard as it is I've decided to make this break a permanent one. 

I started this blog exactly four years ago this month. My oldest was in Kindergarten, my twins were 3 months old, and it seemed fun to have something that was just kind of for me. I feel like I kind of stumbled into blogging- before starting mine I had a blog to update family members on what was going on with us, but it was private and I updated it like a handful of times a year. Blogging about a hobby of mine never crossed my mind. But a couple times when we visited Rob's family my brothers-in-law talked with him about blogging for work and stuff, and I listened to them talk about how to start a blog, and how to get it noticed and just different things, and I was thinking to myself, "That sounds fun; I think I could do that." So one day months later I just did. {So thanks James & Jason- you guys inspired me!!:)}

I can't even begin to describe how much I have loved having this place. It has been so fun to discover that I'm not really as crazy as I've always thought, and that there are a ton of other people out there who are just as nuts as I am about decorating and interior design. I'm far from "making it" as a blogger- as blogs go, mine is small stuff. But to me the opportunities that I've had have been really exciting, because they are things that before starting this I'd never have thought I would do. But I think my very favorite thing about this blog is that it feels like an accidental journal of my family's life for the past four years. Because even though it's mostly just me prattling on about the latest looks I'm loving or what I'm lusting over or what I just bought for our house, my real life is always in the background. The house that we're living in, the projects that we're working on, and just what our everyday life looks like. It's something that I'm going to treasure having. And it's the thing that makes this the hardest to walk away from. 

But it also represents the biggest reason why I am walking away. 
Something happened over the summer that made me realize that as much as I'd love for my family to grow, there's a good chance it isn't going to, and that probably these next few months will be my last ones with small children being at home with me all day. The twins will start school this fall and then my days of having kids at home constantly will be over. That sounds equal parts thrilling and absolutely heart breaking. 
And I don't want to spend those last few months that they are at home all day with me, sitting behind a computer screen. 

There are other, smaller reasons too. They aren't anything big and on their own they wouldn't be enough to make me stop, but they are just kind of the extra benefits of quitting. 

The negativity that goes along with sharing your ideas on the internet isn't awesome. As amazing as blogging is, it does have a dark side, and that part I'm not going to miss. Honestly I've been really lucky that I haven't had to deal with that very much. Most of the people I've been able to associate with have been incredibly nice and most of my experience with blogging has been very positive. I've had just enough experience with the not-so-nice side of blogging though that it's been an unexpected perk of being away. It just kind of feels like I've shed some unnecessary negativity from my life. It's felt pretty freeing to be able to just do whatever I want around my house without wondering if anyone is going to have some problem with it. 

Also, just between me and you guys, my coat is getting tight. And our windchill the other day was like -31. I need that thing to zip. So it will probably be good for my waistline if instead of sitting in front of a computer for hours a day, I like, I don't know, do some sit ups. Or take a walk. Or eat some vegetables instead of my favorite food- Krispy Kream glazed donuts with chocolate sauce. 

This got long, I'm sorry. It probably doesn't really matter though. I've been away for so long that probably the only one reading by now is my mom. And she likes when I'm wordy. 

This isn't my last post- I took some photos of our new house so I'll share them before I go for good. 

Be back in a few.